It’s that time of year where we are usually booked with holiday gatherings. Whether you are in person with others or virtual or otherwise, know that pretending takes effort.
So when a relative asks, “How are you?” and you say “Fine” or “Good” -if the truth is anything but that, perhaps we need the truth…more now than ever.
Why should we pretend our lives are “fine?”
On a side note, anyone who says their life is “fine” usually means it’s not.
It takes a lot of energy to pretend we are ok when we are not.
Strength in Connection:
The reason I’m writing this post in the first place is after a friend personally thanked me for being honest. She texted and asked how I was holding up with the twins and remote schooling my daughter.
My response…”It’s a shit show!”
I’m the type of person who can’t waste energy pretending. This opened the door for this friend to tell me about her own personal shit show and so we connected and supported each other in amazing ways rather than hide the IRL of our personal lives.
There is a special strength in connecting. Knowing we are all in this together and no one is better than the other.
As I am slowly returning to work from my maternity leave, my clients and I are strengthening our professional relationships through the understanding that even though we have a professional relationship, we are both humans.
We are honoring our humanness through flexibility and understanding in our sessions right now.
Speak Your Truth:
Saying how we really feel cannot only help our friendships. It can also help build empathy at work. If your boss knows you are remote schooling your kids and they are too-maybe you can build strength in numbers to get a deadline moved or simply have a new way to connect with each other to build your working relationship.
No one is living a perfect life behind the selfies. We all have our own issues, flaws, and weaknesses. Although a great picture is nice to look at, I’m more interested in what is happening behind the pursed lips and perfect lighting in the background.
I see a person full of beautiful flaws. Flaws are what connects us, what makes us different, and are where we gain our personal strengths from.
Energy in, Energy Out
Does pretending take a lot of your energy? Why bother? Portraying an image is a lot of work. Get honest with yourself so you can be honest with others and with that gain energy back by connecting through your truths.
Tell us your perfect Pinterest meal was a disaster and you ordered pizza (we can relate).
Show us the sweat you earned through running your first mile (because no one’s makeup looks that good after a real sweat session)
Give us a picture of the mess your kids made in the living room building forts and memories of play (trust me, our “memories” are just as messy)
Know you are not alone, tell us how many shots it took to take that selfie and we’ll understand. Post your outtakes. Post the great family photo and then show us the one where kids are pulling hair and you’re yelling at your husband to put on his damn smile. We need someone to validate our own crazy lives.
Give us the real you and save your energy!